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Thoughts on finding out your birth name

I recently found out that the State of Colorado has some interesting new rules for adoptees. If you were Born/adopted between June 30 1951 and July 1 1967? you can access your adoption records. I am fortunate enough to be in the early part of the dates, just barely, I'm not sure on the exact end date of this group. I contacted, by phone, because I didn't believe what I read, Colorado Vital records and yes it was true so I spent 40.00 dollars that included the price of th money order and mailed off my request.

I recieved my certificate of live birth, not to be used for identity purposes. I found my birth name, my fathers name and my mothers name.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. My parents are the ones who raised me, my birth-parents are the ones who made it possible for my parents to be parents. I remember years ago when I asked my mom what my birth name was I was told "you were to young to have a name." I'm not sure how to explain this but the idea that my birth-parent didn't give me a name , was like denying my existence , or I wasn't worth having a name. Of course there are two sides to the story, Years later I was told my name, and yea verily it was the name on the Birth Certificate. In a way it helps fill part of the hole about me.
I'm now waiting for the court to find my records and tell me how much it will cost to copy them etc, then will be the contacting the agency where I was adopted....one step at a time, but at least I know from previous inquires that my grand mother said I was full term and apparenly healthy,,, I'm still here aren't I, very enlightening. and My name, At least now I know I was cared enough about to have a name.. and according to my birth certificate I had two older siblings.

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Comment by carol bartholomew on October 21, 2009 at 6:40pm: Ritchie

Thank you for your thoughtful remarks. My parents have both passed away. My faaher was alright with this, he encouraged my brother to find his family, and I thnk he even talke to my brothers half sisters . My Mom was sort of uptight about it, although she is the one who talked to me about being adopted.

I don't hold it against my mom, I think it was her guilt that she never confided in my dad that she couldn't have children, or she thought I was too young. I only asked because I had overheard a converstation she had with someone about my brother and she said his birth name. I don't even think I would have thought to ask otherwise, and I didn't ask her until I was in High School. She finally told me when I was in my 30's.

For a long time I was more afraid of my birth parents trying to get me back than anything.

If my birth parents are still alive they would be in their 80's I would like to be friends with them and ask some basic questions like were you grey by 40 or were you athleteic or a tomboy, what is my ethnicity, and of course the health issues that seem to be so important today. I'm sort of frustrated with the wohle health questionaire thing and Nurses and Dr's writing Denies on their charts. I'm not denying anything I just don't know.

I'll look into the Locator after I get more information from the state of Colorado. I'm still waithing on the courts and then I'll have to tackle the home, at least it was state run also,, I'm taking this one step at a time.

Comment by Richie C. on October 15, 2009 at 9:59pm: Carol,
I'm not speaking from experience, but I think you have to have your head and heart in the right places before you undertake something like this, and it sounds like you do. You've heard the saying, "Just because you're a father, doesn't make you a parent"...or something to that effect. Your parents are your parents and nothing is going to change that. Yet, your need to know is completely understandable (to me at least). I think an important question is do you parents understand your desire to know?

Some parents who give a child up for adoption can disassociate and never give it a second thought. I think most, however, can't. Some want to be contacted if the child makes the effort. Some want to make the effort, but don't want to cause any further pain to the child.

One important consideration for all adoptees is whether the adoption might have been an intra-family adoption--and adoption from within the family. This can bring all manner of extra sources of pain, shame, embarrassment, etc. I've been talking to one of my cousins (by adoption) about this very situation for a few months now. He's ready to hear it all, regardless, but alas, due to the laws in his state, and arrangements by his adoptive parents, he won't learn a thing until his last adoptive parent passes away.

Please don't hold it against your parents that they told you that you were 'too young to have a name'. I think they were just protecting you. And I think every adoptive parent has a fear that their adoptive child will be more caught up in finding birth parents than in being the child that they put so much time, energy and love into raising. It's just a human response.

On a side note, there was/is a reality TV show called "The Locator" whose host re-united estranged family members, or found adoptive parents, and all manner of similar situations. I caught a few episodes and it was very interesting. The show airs on WE-TV (Women's Entertainment). The link for the show's site is:
The Locator

Just in case you find it interesting or useful. I hope you will make the effort to find and get introduced to your two elder siblings.

Sincerely,
Richie C.

Thoughts on finding out your birth name

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