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Being offended by a Findagrave memorial
I am curious to know if any of you have ever run into anyone who has been offended by a memorial page being created for a family member. A couple of years ago, a good friend of mine passed away. I was pleasantly surprised to see that someone had set up a memorial to her and I told her family about the site. I told them how findagrave worked and how I had set up memorials for the family members I had lost and for my ancestors. I explained how I thought it was wonderful to have these permanent sites where others could leave flowers and sentiments. They didn't agree with me and actually were quite offended that someone would do this. It seems there is someone in my area that is creating memorials everyday based upon newspaper obituaries. I think it's a wonderful idea, but I am wondering if any of you have discovered others who might not agree.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Donna LaVonne Senff-Mata on
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Yah I have run into some dunces who objected to FindaGrave. I ignored them. All the entries I have seen, and all the ones I have added myself, were done in good taste and with reverance and meant to be a genuine tribute to the deceased. There is always going to be some jerk trying to throw cold water on a good thing.
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Permalink Reply by Lori Shoemaker Hellmund on
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I agree with you Donna. It means a lot to me to know that my loved ones are being remembered somewhere.
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Permalink Reply by Betty Vaughn on
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No that has never happened to me. I have told many people about Findagrave. People who were not genealogiest and they have all thought it was a good idea. Maybe the people who were offended think it is a commercial use of their kin. They do not realize the respect we have for each grave and the people there. When we are taking photos of tombstones it is with respect that we go to the cemeteries and the little prayers we say when we pass them.
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Permalink Reply by Roberta Pierce on
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You hit the nail on the head about the respect and reverence we have for the people there.. I think it is the most lovely thing I have ever been a part of. I love visiting the cemeteries and while I am there looking for certain headstones, I brush debris off others, reset flowers that have fallen over and say little things over the babies. I also feel I have let them down when I cannot locate a certain headstone. I realize a lot of graves do not have headstones or have been vandalized, but I still want to find everyone I look for.I have not yet met anyone who objects and if and when I do I will try to set them straight.
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It's so great to know that so many people share my feelings. I just think it's important to remember people. I believe I have many "guardian angels" in the family members that have gone on before me. I will continue to do whatever I can to make sure that they, and as many other people that I can, will not be forgotten.
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Permalink Reply by Gloria Jean (Hawkins) Draper on
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If It had't been for Find a Grave I would not have pictures of my ancestors graves in Ohio! Due to a wonderful lady that posted my gggrandfathers grave stone, still standing after 159 years! And that of his daughter. And then she went to another cemetery & took pictures of my other family member! Also I have found so many other family grave sights! And a big Thank You~ To those out there takeing pictures!
I Love Find A Grave! Gloria -
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Permalink Reply by Marie Mize on
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I haven't come across anyone who has been offended. Personally I am very thankful that someone else set up a memorial page for my mother and my father. I was able to have those sites transferred to me so that I could expand on what they had started. I have been thrilled to find other ancestors honored with a site. My best friend found his mother's page on the site and it was quite obvious that the person had used her obituary. He was genuinely touched. Personally I have never seen anything except respect on FindAGrave both from the entries and from the people I have met on site.
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Permalink Reply by Bill Gordon on
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Since discovering Findagrave I have put up several memorials for family members and a few non- family. When trying to obtain dates and other info from relatives, I have a few times encountered skepticism and resistance. There are just a few folks out there that just don't get it, and may never get it. Carry on and don't be discouraged.
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Permalink Reply by fizzbomb on
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I haven't run into anyone who was "offended" by a FAG memorial for their family member, but I have certainly had people who did not understand. In one case, when I was able to show the family member the memorial for their loved one, as well as one with photos and a lovingly written bio, their attitude changed.
While we see the memorials as tributes, I completely understand where family members unfamiliar with FAG could see it differently and object not to the memorial itself but the fact that someone who is not family entered it - that it is not a stranger's "place" to enter their loved one. Also, to have the attitude that someone who does object/is offended is a dunce or jerk goes against what Find A Grave is all about... -
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Permalink Reply by Sharon Renee Taylor Chessher on
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I have not had that particular experience but I have had people ask "How can you spend so much time in a cemetery?" They ask if I have a morbid curiosity! That offends me. I have received so much help from so many people on Find A Grave. I always take photo's of all around the request and this has helped others find family that they could not find. We have to preserve this information and help each other more, especially when you may not be able to visit. I have been a member/contributor for 11 months now and find it very rewarding.
Sharon -
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Permalink Reply by CRISTY SHEEHAN on
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Yes, I recently had a relative of a friend be very upset that I had added great pictures of her mother onto a memorial that someone else had added. I immediately took the pictures off of the memorial and suggested she write to the person who had added her mothers memorial if she didn't want it on there. The funny thing about her was....she was the one who had added all the personal information about her mother in the newspaper. Without it...the person who added the memorial would have never known any of it. It is too bad when people don't understand that we are giving them a place to pay your respects. It is one of my favorite sites and I cannot begin to tell you how much we have learned from it. We found ancestors that we had no idea where they were buried. If it had not been for others like me, we still would not know. My friend(her cousin)said she has always been a little nuts.lol
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It is interesting that people will pay money to have an obituary published, but don't want to see it anywhere else.
I did have something happen recently that is frustrating. I posted a memorial to my husband's great grandfather. I was going through some of the older memorials that I have up just to add relationship info when I discovered that someone put a picture on the memorial that isn't my husband's great grandfather! If you don't know for sure that that is the person's picture, for heaven's sake, don't put it on the page. Especially when you are not the one who created the memorial in the first place. I have emailed this girl twice and request that she remove the picture, but she hasn't so, now I am going to have to delete the page and start again! -
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