Doctors have discovered a new disease
SYMPTOMS: Obsession over finding more names, dates, and places. Patient has a blank expression on her face and often seems deaf to others. Has no taste for work of any kind, except for feverishly reading census records and entering data. Has a compulsion to write emails and spends hours sitting at a computer. Swears at the computer if there is no e-mail. Frequents strange places like cemeteries. Patient mumbles to self and has a strange faraway look in her eyes. Has a strange compulsion to gather and scatter old papers all over the house, leaving piles of paper everywhere with strange numbers and names all over them. Occasionally there are outbursts consisting of what resembles a touchdown dance with Homer-like yells of "WOO HOO!!!"
TREATMENT: No known cure. Patient should be given a computer situated in a quiet corner of the house. Given time, the trances will subside. The patient will act normal again unless they drive past a cemetery, at which time the symptoms are apt to reappear beginning with the faraway expression and a u-turn.