What If You're Not Who You Thought You Are? - Genealogy Wise2024-03-29T07:16:21Zhttp://www.genealogywise.com/forum/topics/what-if-youre-not-who-you?commentId=3463583%3AComment%3A179606&feed=yes&xn_auth=noWOW, well I'm sorry you're go…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2012-07-20:3463583:Comment:4558112012-07-20T18:05:28.646ZStephanie Annhttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/StephanieAnn
<p>WOW, well I'm sorry you're going through this.</p>
<p> if I could afford to pay a pro to research my family, I would be happy with any info you found. </p>
<p>doing family tree research, its needs to be accepted that what you find may not be what you expect or want to hear..but if its accurate info then there's not much you can do about it. </p>
<p>personally I feel you handled the situation as a true professional, and I do not see how it could have been handled differently. If the potential…</p>
<p>WOW, well I'm sorry you're going through this.</p>
<p> if I could afford to pay a pro to research my family, I would be happy with any info you found. </p>
<p>doing family tree research, its needs to be accepted that what you find may not be what you expect or want to hear..but if its accurate info then there's not much you can do about it. </p>
<p>personally I feel you handled the situation as a true professional, and I do not see how it could have been handled differently. If the potential client is not appreciative that you took the time and did this research already and found this much information, with out being paid. maybe remind her that A LOT of people especially with african heritage can barely go back that far. </p>
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<p>I haven't found and confirmed any skeletons in my closet,( I heard from a 2nd cousin who told me a story of my g-grandmother being an illegitimate child of an affiar with a teenage girl, but no records to confirm it just yet ) but if I do, hopefully i react a bit better than the clinet did. </p>
<p></p> Hi Lisa,
This reminds me of t…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2012-07-19:3463583:Comment:4556522012-07-19T20:22:31.538ZChristine M. Worthingtonhttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/ChristineMWorthington
<p>Hi Lisa,</p>
<p>This reminds me of the book, <strong>The Sweeter the Juice,</strong> which is about a family that separates into those who can "pass" for white and those who can't. It's a true story, about sisters who were separated for about 70 years.</p>
<p><br></br>That being said, some people are going to be surprised by what they find. This client didn't find her surprise pleasant. You didn't mention her approximate age--my guess is that age makes a difference. I think those of us…</p>
<p>Hi Lisa,</p>
<p>This reminds me of the book, <strong>The Sweeter the Juice,</strong> which is about a family that separates into those who can "pass" for white and those who can't. It's a true story, about sisters who were separated for about 70 years.</p>
<p><br/>That being said, some people are going to be surprised by what they find. This client didn't find her surprise pleasant. You didn't mention her approximate age--my guess is that age makes a difference. I think those of us born after Civil Rights era would be less shocked than those born before. </p>
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<p>Give her some time. She may come around.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I think you are handling things very well.</p>
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<p></p> Hi, I think you did an amazin…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2012-07-19:3463583:Comment:4556332012-07-19T02:42:49.472ZSharon Lee Johnsonhttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/SharonLeeJohnson
<p>Hi, I think you did an amazing job! I want someone like you to help me so I am going to have a look at Ancestry Expert! </p>
<p>I have hit so many brick walls in discovering my family but what I have discovered has freed me - I know now the type of people from whom I descend and who helped shape me - now I know where a love of words came from; where staunch beliefs came from. I am from New Zealand and live in Australia but we have excitingly discovered our father's family came from the…</p>
<p>Hi, I think you did an amazing job! I want someone like you to help me so I am going to have a look at Ancestry Expert! </p>
<p>I have hit so many brick walls in discovering my family but what I have discovered has freed me - I know now the type of people from whom I descend and who helped shape me - now I know where a love of words came from; where staunch beliefs came from. I am from New Zealand and live in Australia but we have excitingly discovered our father's family came from the USA. Because we don't know it very well at all (and yes we do have Google) it has been difficult to research things like born in Virginia in 1795 - okay that's great - but where? No idea...oh and then there are no records - oh....but we do have his Probate, - great, but no will. </p>
<p>People like you deserve appreciation - you are amazing!</p> Lisa,
I'm not a professional…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2009-09-23:3463583:Comment:1812192009-09-23T09:28:05.425ZMavis Joneshttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/MavisJones
Lisa,<br />
<br />
I'm not a professional in this field, only trying to track my own family, and I think you handled the entire situation very professionally. On a personal level, I've always wanted to know who helped in my creation. Their background never mattered to me and personally I don't mind telling their story, both the good and the bad. I know not everyone in my family feels that way.
Lisa,<br />
<br />
I'm not a professional in this field, only trying to track my own family, and I think you handled the entire situation very professionally. On a personal level, I've always wanted to know who helped in my creation. Their background never mattered to me and personally I don't mind telling their story, both the good and the bad. I know not everyone in my family feels that way. Dear Lisa, I hope all of thes…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2009-09-22:3463583:Comment:1810492009-09-22T18:14:58.803ZEllen Healyhttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/EllenHealy
Dear Lisa, I hope all of these comments have eased your worries a bit. Helping researchers is a gift, so please don't let this sour episode affect you. As one poster said- Keep on keepin' on!<br />
<br />
Best,<br />
Ellen Healy
Dear Lisa, I hope all of these comments have eased your worries a bit. Helping researchers is a gift, so please don't let this sour episode affect you. As one poster said- Keep on keepin' on!<br />
<br />
Best,<br />
Ellen Healy Since I started my own family…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2009-09-22:3463583:Comment:1810452009-09-22T17:44:45.801ZDouglas Noblehorsehttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/DouglasNoblehorse
Since I started my own family genealogy a few years ago, I've been presented with one surprise after another. Not only did I stumble across a current Black branch to my father's family (up to that point completely unknown) but at this point I'm not certain that the family name reaches further back than my grandfather.<br />
<br />
I think family skeletons in the closet are much more numerous than people realize.<br />
<br />
Like others, my feeling is that your approach was warranted and professional. I'm a strong…
Since I started my own family genealogy a few years ago, I've been presented with one surprise after another. Not only did I stumble across a current Black branch to my father's family (up to that point completely unknown) but at this point I'm not certain that the family name reaches further back than my grandfather.<br />
<br />
I think family skeletons in the closet are much more numerous than people realize.<br />
<br />
Like others, my feeling is that your approach was warranted and professional. I'm a strong believer in ferreting out the truth no matter what.<br />
<br />
noblehorse I agree with all the others t…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2009-09-22:3463583:Comment:1808532009-09-22T00:29:28.755ZSue McCormickhttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/SueMcCormick
I agree with all the others that you did the correct thing. I also agree that any researcher should expect the unexpected during their research.<br />
<br />
There is a children's picture book about genealogy (about 40 years old) which ends on the order of "They were not rich and famous, but they were strong and good." (from They were Strong and Good by Robert Lawson). I keep this in mind in my search. Most of us will find that is true of the majority of our ancestors no matter what their race or ultimate…
I agree with all the others that you did the correct thing. I also agree that any researcher should expect the unexpected during their research.<br />
<br />
There is a children's picture book about genealogy (about 40 years old) which ends on the order of "They were not rich and famous, but they were strong and good." (from They were Strong and Good by Robert Lawson). I keep this in mind in my search. Most of us will find that is true of the majority of our ancestors no matter what their race or ultimate country of origin. When we do find an ancestor NOT "good" consider both the surrounding situation and also the small part of the ancestral line this "not good" person is. MOST of them were "strong and good." Lisa --- thank you, thank you…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2009-09-19:3463583:Comment:1798792009-09-19T18:21:16.942ZKatie Heitert Wilkinsonhttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/KatieHeitertWilkinson
Lisa --- thank you, thank you for the beautiful advice. Your words have the sound and movement of a mantra --- one that I wil use. I'm drawn to its spiritual quality.<br />
<br />
Katie
Lisa --- thank you, thank you for the beautiful advice. Your words have the sound and movement of a mantra --- one that I wil use. I'm drawn to its spiritual quality.<br />
<br />
Katie Having a black president has…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2009-09-19:3463583:Comment:1798312009-09-19T16:02:28.191ZLisa B. Leehttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/LisaBLee
Having a black president has changed the whole paradigm for many people. Regardless of the merits of Barack Obama, his being president makes the oft-ignored topic of race and racism something that can no longer be ignored. For those who have been in power for eons, this is so unsettling and many fear a backlash from blacks in retribution for the centuries of enslavement, oppression, injustice and other societal ills that have been such a part of this county's history.<br />
<br />
That said, perhaps she's…
Having a black president has changed the whole paradigm for many people. Regardless of the merits of Barack Obama, his being president makes the oft-ignored topic of race and racism something that can no longer be ignored. For those who have been in power for eons, this is so unsettling and many fear a backlash from blacks in retribution for the centuries of enslavement, oppression, injustice and other societal ills that have been such a part of this county's history.<br />
<br />
That said, perhaps she's buying into all the fear and lies that are making their way across the air waves (reverse Jim Crow, white slavery, other crap ...). Fear is an incredible motivator, and politicians love to stoke the emotions of the voting public by using fear of all sorts of stuff.<br />
<br />
Perhaps she's just afraid. When I discovered my white LEE cousins several years ago, and confronted them with the fact that we shared common African ancestors who'd settled in Canada during the Revolutionary War, one of my cousins asked me, "What does this mean? Am I black now?" All her life she'd been "white" but she always suspected her ancestors were black. Family photos were obvious, to me, but for those who chose to not see the obvious signs, their ancestors simply had "olive" skin and "curly" hair.<br />
<br />
My response to her was, "You are who you choose to be. Who cares what the world thinks? Just keep being you." Since then, my white cousins have fully embraced us and they couldn't love us more if they tried. They are truly wonderful people and I'm thankful that I found them. I think they all always "knew" but were afraid of what it would mean if they accepted their black ancestry. In the end, nothing has changed ... the world still spins in the same direction, gravity still works, and life goes on.<br />
<br />
I hope my potential client will find the courage to proceed with this project, with or without me. I just hope that, if she chooses someone else, she finds someone with the integrity to do the job properly, regardless of the outcome.<br />
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Thanks for your comments, my friend. Be well. Much love to you, too.<br />
- L Katie;
For you to say you do…tag:www.genealogywise.com,2009-09-19:3463583:Comment:1798292009-09-19T15:53:08.928ZLisa B. Leehttp://www.genealogywise.com/profile/LisaBLee
Katie;<br />
<br />
For you to say you don't care about the conditions that brought you to be here is so very wise. None of us can change the past and if we reject it, we end up in turmoil. I admire your strength and your courage to just move past it. You know, it's this very attitude, in my humble opinion, that tends to bring the forces of the universe to support us. What I mean is that whenever I get to a spot in a research project where I seemingly cannot go any further, I just say, "Universe, if I'm…
Katie;<br />
<br />
For you to say you don't care about the conditions that brought you to be here is so very wise. None of us can change the past and if we reject it, we end up in turmoil. I admire your strength and your courage to just move past it. You know, it's this very attitude, in my humble opinion, that tends to bring the forces of the universe to support us. What I mean is that whenever I get to a spot in a research project where I seemingly cannot go any further, I just say, "Universe, if I'm meant to find the answer to this question, let me find it." Then, I just let it go (I even throw my hands up to the sky, as though I'm releasing this energy) and move on.<br />
<br />
In EVERY SINGLE CASE, the answer always comes to me. I don't have to do this very often, but the times I have often resulted from months and years of seemingly fruitless research, turning up every stone but finding nothing. Then, once I let it go, the answer comes, and it's usually a simple step that either I'd "assumed" wouldn't lead to anything, or a resource suddenly made available that had been previously hidden.<br />
<br />
At any rate, I wish you well in your research. Please try this LETTING GO thing and let me (and us) know when the answer finds YOU.<br />
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Much love, my friend.